Reasons in Space
by Clecky
Summary: A short continuation of the episode Objects in Space. Simon explains himself to Kaylee.


"Simon?" Kaylee asked tentatively, sticking her head into the infirmary. "Do you need anything?"

Simon glanced up for a second from the rough stitching in his leg. "Yes, I do- would you come over here, please?" He said, indicating the small part of the exam table that wasn't taken up by either him or River. Kaylee walked shakily over and perched on the table's edge. Simon swung his leg over her lap with a grimace of pain and leaned back against River. "That's perfect, thank you... And you can keep River from picking on me for getting shot."

"Picking on you?" Kaylee repeated incredulously. "She wouldn't do that, would she?" She looked over at River and smiled; River smiled as well.

"Oh, great, now you're going to gang up on me." Simon said, not sounding the least upset. It was probably whatever painkillers he'd taken that were keeping him calm. "Before I pass out, I think I need to explain myself to someone, and River keeps scolding me for being unpredictable and telling me to sleep. Also your lap is very comfortable, and I apologize in advance for bleeding on you."

River rolled her eyes and poked him in the side. "Doctors are the worst patients. Hurry up."

"Yes, yes. Well, my reasons for getting shot, in order of reverse importance. First, I thought he might get suspicious if I didn't attempt to attack him sometime- he practically told me to. Attack him, that is. He said that every second I was with him was a chance to turn the tables. And he said that he'd shoot me if I didn't- help him, not attack him. Second, I couldn't be sure that River wasn't really going to turn herself in. I thought not- hoped not. But I didn't know for sure and I couldn't just let him walk away if she was in the slightest danger. Third and most important- you have no idea how much I wanted to hit him. I assume he threatened you- he threatened me with raping you." Simon gave a twisted smile and looked away from Kaylee's teary gaze. "I think that's the third time in my life I could have killed someone and been glad about it."

"You don't mind?" Kaylee whispered, playing with the hem of Simon's pants. River discretely slid away, leaving Simon propped up by a pillow instead. She left the infirmary and shut the door behind her, resisting the childish urge to lock it.

"Well, of course I mind." Simon said mildly. "I wouldn't happily kill everyone I run across, like Jayne does. No, I minded a hell of a lot." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'd sound a lot more emphatic, but the drugs, you know, I can't get as upset as I'd like."

"That's not what I- I told him where River was." Kaylee said, wanting to move away but unwilling to touch Simon's leg and risk hurting him.

"I know, and I don't mind that a bit. Well, maybe a little bit. It's not like you had a choice- at least you didn't help him look for her. Like I did." Simon shook his head and sighed. "She has a lot more right to be upset at me than at you, and she's not upset at me. She's just being a brat, as usual. I have no right to be angry at you at all. And I'm not."

"I am." Kaylee met Simon's eyes. "Angry at myself. I should've-"

"What? You should have what?" Simon asked. "Please tell me if you have any good reasons to be angry with yourself- I'd like to know, so I can beat myself up with them too. It's not fair for you to keep them all for yourself; I can always use new ones."

Kaylee smiled fleetingly. "I'm sorry, Simon."

"Yes, well, so am I. Go spread what I said around the ship, will you? I think I'll just pass out again- River's right, I need to sleep. Unfortunately. Tell Mal I'm not a complete idiot." Simon removed his leg from Kaylee's lap, whimpering ever so slightly, and Kaylee stood up. "I didn't do myself any good jumping down the stairs at him after he shot me, and the fistfight wasn't such a great idea either, I don't think."

"Jumping down the stairs? Fistfight?" Kaylee asked. "I thought you just knocked him down and he shot you."

"Well, there was a little more to it than that... I wouldn't have mentioned it, I thought you knew." Simon sounded embarrassed, of all things!

Kaylee smiled wholeheartedly and kissed Simon on the cheek. "You're silly. I'll go tell everyone what you said." She walked away, not with her usual bounce but much closer to it than when she'd entered the infirmary. Simon stared after her, puzzled.

"Did I just have an actual conversation with Kaylee that didn't end with her mad at me?" He wondered aloud. "Maybe it's something about these drugs..." He spent a few seconds trying to remember what he'd directed Zoe to give him, then decided that it didn't matter and fell asleep.

River grinned from her vantage point on the catwalk next to the infirmary. Finally, finally! Too bad it had taken tranquilizers to get her brother to be civil to Kaylee and not stick his foot in his mouth, but what had been accomplished once could be accomplished again. She skipped away, whistling. Optimism was a new feeling, and one she was planning to savor for as long as it lasted. Maybe she could keep Simon drugged? He obviously needed it more than she did.

The crew would be glad to hear Simon's excuses for what he'd done, but he didn't realize that no one cared- except in the sense that they were glad to learn that he could sort of fight. They were used to violence, and suffering, and- River wrenched her mind away. Optimism. Everything would work out fine. With that happy thought she skipped back quietly to turn off the lights in the infirmary and to make sure her brother was tucked in.


End file.
